


maybe it was me always fucking up

by soldierpoetprince



Series: Dream SMP Oneshots [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Catharsis Ending, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, I promise, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, This isn't as dark as it seems, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), Villain Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), everyone's there but tommy and dream are the main focus, implied attempt at the least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldierpoetprince/pseuds/soldierpoetprince
Summary: “‘Cause no one even knows what I was in in exile! Tell them, Dream. Tell them all.” Tommy watches as Dream flinches back in his obsidian casing, a rush of satisfaction running through him. Finally, finally, he’s not the one cowering in fear. Finally, he has the upper hand against the man.Dream stays silent, though, green eyes avoiding his own. Tommy can’t read his facial expressions, even with the mask gone and in the pit, but he doesn’t have to. He knows Dream isn’t going to talk. He’s going to have to take this into his own hands.Tommy spins around to face the crowd, angry and triumphant all at once. “Fine! Then I’ll tell them. I’ll tell them everything.”(AKA Tommy opens up about what happens in exile, spoilers for January 20)
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: Dream SMP Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123391
Comments: 21
Kudos: 718
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	maybe it was me always fucking up

**Author's Note:**

> as much as i loved how things turned out after the 20th, i am Begging tommy to tell someone what happened to him. please. i just want to see tommy finally snap and confess everything dream put him through. 
> 
> title taken from hurt by oliver tree. please mind the tags!! this deals with some pretty heavy concepts, so do be careful! on that note, if there's anything i missed or you feel like i should add, please tell me ^^

“‘Cause no one even knows what I was in in exile! Tell them, Dream. Tell them _all_ .” Tommy watches as Dream flinches back in his obsidian casing, a rush of satisfaction running through him. Finally, _finally_ , he’s not the one cowering in fear. _Finally_ , he has the upper hand against the man. 

Dream stays silent, though, green eyes avoiding his own. Tommy can’t read his facial expressions, even with the mask gone and in the pit, but he doesn’t have to. He knows Dream isn’t going to talk. He’s going to have to take this into his own hands.

Tommy spins around to face the crowd, angry and triumphant all at once. “Fine! Then I’ll tell them. I’ll tell them _everything_.”

And maybe he’s high on adrenaline. Maybe he’ll regret this later, when he’s alone in his base with only his thoughts to comfort him. But right now, he couldn’t care less about any of the repercussions. It feels too _good_ to finally put Dream in his place.

“You wanna know what he did to me while I was in exile?” He doesn’t wait for a response. He’s not sure one would come, in all honesty, nor does he care. “He was the only one to visit me. Every day. _Every day_ he’d come by and taunt me. Every _damn_ day he’d tell me how no one cared about me, about how he was the only friend I had. And you know what? I started to believe him.”

Tommy’s aware that he’s shaking, hands and shoulders shivering with the memories that nearly overwhelm him. A part of him still wants to see Dream as a friend ( _ ~~why shouldn’t he? Dream was the only one who cared to visit~~ _ ) but he stifles it down, pushing it aside to where it belongs. Dream _isn’t_ his friend. He never was. 

“We had this ritual, him and I,” he continues, mouth running faster than his mind at this point, vision blurring in either dissociation or tears. “When he’d arrive, every morning, he made me throw down my tools. Everything I’d worked for the previous day. And-and he’d blow it up. All of it, right in front of me.” 

He can still smell the gunpowder. He can still feel the trembling of the ground underneath his feet, the ringing in his ears as the bomb detonated barely a few feet away from him. He remembers how, in the beginning, he’d run away. He was afraid of getting injured any further, not wanting the debris from the blast to damage him in any way. As Dream’s visits continued, though, he stopped trying to get away. He’d stand there, stagnant as the dynamite detonated beneath him, the warmth of the blast singing his clothes and skin. Looking back, he doesn’t know why he did it, really. Maybe he just stopped caring. Maybe he thought he deserved the pain. Maybe there was no deep psychological reasoning behind it, and he was just _tired_. God, he was so tired back then.

“I held a party, once. Had Ghostbur send out the invitations and everything, since I couldn’t go myself.” Ghostbur had been so excited, affirming to Tommy over and over that he wouldn’t forget, that this was a good memory, that he’d be sure to get all the envelopes out on time. Tommy feels sick for ever doubting him. “Dream sent him out into the wilderness during a blizzard and destroyed every single one.”

“Tommy . . .” Puffy says, softly, but he rushes to cut her off. Now that he’s started, it’s all rushing out of him like a waterfall, and he can’t find it in himself the ability to stop.

“I started hiding things. Not even just weapons and armor. Things . . . things I knew he wouldn’t want me to keep. Things he’d destroy if he had the chance.” A part of him reprimands himself for doing that, still, despite knowing those pictures of Tubbo and himself were the only things that truly kept him going. The thought of being with his friend again, even in passing, held stronger than any thought Dream could ever put in his head. “And he did. He found the chests and he-he blew it all up. Every last bit of it, until there was nothing left.”

Until Tommy had nothing left but Dream. 

“I had it, then. There was--or at least I _thought_ there was--nothing left for me. I’m on my last life, y’know.” He chuckles, dry and humourless. Wrapping his arms around himself, he takes a deep, shuddering breath, eyes trained towards the blackstone ground. He can’t bear to watch their reactions. ( _~~He doesn’t want their pity at his weakness~~ _.) “Grabbed myself a few stacks and started towering. Didn’t stop until I knew for certain it was enough.”

The words hang heavy in the room. He hears someone inhale sharply, maybe Bad, maybe Niki, but the sound is null to his ears. He’s never found social interaction exhausting--in fact, he _thrives_ off it--but now that he’s let it out, he feels so, so tired. He’s not done here, though. He can’t give in now, not when he’s got Dream right where he wants him.

He spins back to face the admin. Unlike the others in the room, his face is blank, emotionless. Tommy doesn’t know what he was expecting. He nearly wishes there was shock, maybe even regret, but he knows that’s the illogical side of him talking. He’s said nothing Dream hadn’t already known. It digs the knife in his chest even deeper, finally having the confirmation that Dream _knew_ he’d pushed Tommy to the edge, but that the man hadn’t cared. That he _still_ doesn’t. The shameful part of him that still clings onto the idea of Dream as a friend cries as the blade is twisted. 

“But I realized, then. Dream exiled me because he _knew_ I was the only person that could ever stand up to him. The only person in this _entire_ server who could take him down. And you know what?” Tommy can’t help the grin that stretches across his face, pride and catharsis kicking in all at once. “ _He. Was. Right._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudoses are highly appreciated!! i'm thinking of starting a oneshot collection, so if you have any ideas, please comment them! i am experiencing SMP brainrot and i am Desperate for content
> 
> follow me on my tumblr @apollos-boyfriend i promise i’m funny


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